It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
