dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
