at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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