Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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