i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
