Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
