Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
