Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Come see our sink grown plant.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
