I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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