he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
