I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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