i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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