We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
