I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
