We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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