was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
