; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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