Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
