We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
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You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
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I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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