We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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