apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
