Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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