"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
