this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
