Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
