Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
foreskin is a definite game changer
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
