I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
