We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
