just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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