We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Randomize
