did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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