Is it because I queefed?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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