Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
