this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
