I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
