We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
