what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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