Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
