guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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