I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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