I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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