just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize