You smell like stripper and shame
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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