Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
