I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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