fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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