I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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