He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
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Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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