When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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