Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
