that's an acceptable place to lick
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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