it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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