i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
