I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
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i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
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I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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