A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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