I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
