I am full of burrito and curiosity
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
