i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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