do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
