I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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