Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
